ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
