my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
