things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
