I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i need some magic done to my vagina
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
