He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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