I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
