He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
