can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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