Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
