I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
