so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
