Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
