Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
