dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
