just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
