I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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