i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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