Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
