I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i barfeds in our rink
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
