we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
