remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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