I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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