i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
