I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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