I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
