whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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