my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
