just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
