Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
