it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
