We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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