So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
