I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
