There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
