Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
