Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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