We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
