Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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