Dual....:-)
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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