I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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