I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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