I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
