I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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