Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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