my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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