Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
