On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
