What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
