wrigley field is MILF paradise
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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