i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
